that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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