Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
