i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
