You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
