couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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