so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
