im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
