you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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