This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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