By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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