I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
