How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Randomize
