omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
