the condom got lost in my hair
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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