3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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