Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize