Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
