tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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