Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
