the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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