new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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