He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
