But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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