I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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