im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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