it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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