When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
