There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
