When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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