Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
