Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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