I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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