alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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