I got chris browned last night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
