why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
