He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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