is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
