I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
