I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
