Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
