just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
