You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
