I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
