Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
