So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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