Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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