I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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