you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
