there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
