Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
