I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
