She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
