i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
