umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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