your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
