he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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