dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
