He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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