She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I supernannyed him into submission
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
