theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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