Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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