this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
