Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
