Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
