did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
