Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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