he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
