I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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