please come you make the beer taste better
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
