I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
