tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
tell me about the fingering
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
